Wednesday, January 9, 2008

I feel ya

Hey Katie, long time no speak or see. I just read your first post about living in Baltimore and I wanted to thank you for sharing it. I think Angela and I go through some similar shit up here in New York.

The hardest thing about it for me is dealing with the loss of control. When you live in a city you're like a pinball, bounced around from bell to bell, flipper to flipper, and a lot of what happens to you is outside of your control. It's okay, at first, because you think I can avoid this, I can avoid that. I can move here, I can go there, and maybe these little decisions can help me feel in control. But then you realize no one is actually playing the game; there's no one in charge and there are no rules. Avoid one street, and you'll find trouble on the next. Leave the problems of one neighborhood, enter the despair another. The game runs itself and so it can't be stopped or paused or understood. You either keep bouncing or give up.

It's so hard to resist the urge to give up.

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